


Who wants to live forever?

by Evil_Keshi



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, M/M, Mortality, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 11:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Keshi/pseuds/Evil_Keshi
Summary: The first white hair Alec spotted in his messy dark locks one morning, in the foggy mirror of the bathroom right after his shower, nearly made him cry. Heart dropping, throat drying up suddenly, the Shadowhunter took a closer look as he tried to keep breathing and not dissolve into sobs.





	Who wants to live forever?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I've been dying to write this since last Friday so I gave in :) The title comes from Queen's song _Who wants to live forever?_ to which you may listen [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jtpf8N5IDE). Enjoy!

  


The first white hair Alec spotted in his messy dark locks one morning, in the foggy mirror of the bathroom right after his shower, nearly made him cry. Heart dropping, throat drying up suddenly, the Shadowhunter took a closer look as he tried to keep breathing and not dissolve into sobs.

Alec was thirty-seven and he had never felt like it before, until one single white hair ruined everything. Because one of those meant that more were to come, until all vestige of youth vanished.

Leaning his back against the door of the bathroom, Alec closed his eyes. Beyond the dark wooden panel, he could hear Magnus and the kids, cooking up something in the kitchen, waiting for him. As much as the thought pleased and comforted him, familiar in its domesticity, a single white hair changed it all that day.

Alec was going to die. Maybe not today, hopefully not tomorrow either, but... He was a Shadowhunter. One day or another, a mission would end him and if his job didn't, he would grow old and die. He had always known as much, he wasn't in the middle of a huge epiphany, but... It had all been in the future, something he didn't need to focus on right now. But his hair turning white reminded him too painfully of that fact, one that he could not ignore any longer.

Magnus and he had never really discussed it, apart from that short moment, years ago, when Alec had whispered _You watch the people you care about age and die._

He still remembered the sadness that had briefly settled on Magnus' face, before he pushed through it and answered, very softly, that even he couldn't see the future. Alec had heard these words and thought that maybe there was hope.

But then, more than ten years later, what hope could he hold onto? He didn't think that Magnus had found a solution and... While Alec had been ready to die for the job before he met his warlock, he had other priorities now. He would not let his children live without their dad - he wanted to see his kids grow up. And Magnus... He couldn't leave him.

That was a conversation they needed to have but... Alec couldn't bring himself to broach the topic. He would have to, one day or another, and sooner rather than later if he wanted to still be alive for it. Right now though, Alec plastered a smile on his face and walked out of the bathroom, heading for the kitchen where Max and Rafael were watching their papa put muffins in the oven, eyes full of impatience.

"Make it go faster, papa!" Max pleaded.

"No, my dear, patience is a virtue." Magnus teased him, eliciting a whine.

"Make it go faster, love," Alec interfered with a smile, picking up Max who was standing in front of the oven to watch the muffins bake.

"I am weak," Magnus whispered dramatically, hand clutching at his chest, and Rafael giggled when he snapped his fingers to accelerate the process.

This, Alec thought as the four of them sat together for breakfast, this was a cherished moment that he was not ready to let go of. He would never be.

  


  


Magnus was reading in bed when Alec entered their bedroom and slipped under the sheets, his hands easily finding his lover's thigh that he caressed with soft fingers, teasing and travelling up to his chest, under the silk pyjamas. He could feel Magnus' breath itch under his palm and yet, the warlock didn't let go of his book, not even when Alec started to unbutton his shirt and placed warm, open-mouthed kisses to his stomach. Magnus shivered though and that prompted one of Alec's rare but beautiful wide grins.

He gave a little lick to Magnus' left nipple, knowing that he wouldn't resist this, and his husband tossed his book in the air and made it vanish before it could hit the ground, then he finally focused on Alec.

"Tease," he merely breathed out, before he flipped them over and attacked Alec's throat with quick kisses and playful nips.

Alec laughed and managed to cup Magnus' face in his hands, bringing their heads close together so that he could give him a proper kiss. Slow but deep, Alec always felt like this was their first kiss, for feeling Magnus' lips against his always, without fail, managed to make him lose himself in the moment, everything else just fading in the background until nothing mattered but Magnus, warm and strong in his arms.

The next second, the warlock's hands were all over him at once, one slipping under the ratty t-shirt he wore to sleep and the other, massaging the growing bulge inside his threadbare sweatpants. Alec gasped, breaking away from the kiss, eyes flashing open in shocked delight, but the moan he was about to let out suddenly died in his throat.

"Alexander?" Magnus asked softly, when he noticed his lover's sudden distress, "What's wrong?"

Alec shook his head, unable to utter a single word, but he slowly raised his hand and cupped Magnus' face in his palm, his thumb stroking the corner of his right eye where he could see small wrinkles.

"H... How?" he eventually croaked out.

"Oh," Magnus understood, avoiding Alec's gaze for a second, before he added quietly, "You noticed."

"Of course," Alec immediately answered, "But... You're not supposed... You... You have _wrinkles_."

"So do you," Magnus huffed petulantly.

Yes he did, but Alec was forty and human, mortal, and Magnus could not fool him. He knew his husband too well, he could see the doubts swimming in the golden pools of his eyes and read Magnus' apprehension about his reaction.

"You don't like it?" the warlock whispered.

"I... It's not..." Alec stammered, taken aback and clearly out of his depth, "It's not that, I just... I don't understand."

With a sigh, Magnus plopped down on his part of the bed and Alec rolled on his side, propping himself on one of his elbows to look at his husband in silence, awaiting some sort of explanation. He eventually got it: Magnus slowly rubbed two fingers on each side of his head and with the help of blue little sparks, the wrinkles vanished, leaving Magnus' skin as smooth as it usually was.

"I thought..." the warlock whispered hesitantly, reaching out to caress Alec's face and his own slight crow's feet, "I thought that you would like it. It would be like... like we were growing old together."

All breath left Alec's lungs at once, as he suddenly understood what this was about. He was not getting any younger and he knew that, yet he had not shared his fears with Magnus - voicing them out would make them real and he... He didn't want to face that reality, he wanted to believe that he still had time, that he could still... stay with his family. But now that Magnus was broaching the topic himself...

Alec took a deep breath.

"I don't want that," he said quietly, noticing Magnus' hurt look one second too late, "No, wait, not like... It's not that I don't want to grow old with you. I just... I don't want to grow old, period. I don't... I don't want to die."

His fingers tentatively found his husband's, who held onto his hand as if it were a buoy, the last mean to keep him afloat.

"You never said anything," Magnus whispered, "I thought... I thought you planned on... leaving. When the day would come. That you wouldn't fight it."

"I don't want to leave you," Alec answered, eyes stinging with the sudden weight of repressed tears. "Ever. I just thought... I thought maybe I was selfish to wish for... I don't know, immortality? I didn't, and I still don't see any way to do that. How could I possibly... And I wasn't sure that you would want that. I didn't knoooomf!"

Magnus interrupted Alec's nonsense with a searing kiss, one that was as comforting as it was painful, maybe because the Shadowhunter could feel his husband's salty tears on his lips, mixing with his own. Magnus released him after a few long seconds but he didn't let go of his hand.

"The day you die," he said against Alec's lips, voice thick with emotion, "my heart will die with you."

"I'm sorry..." Alec murmured, closing his eyes as a strong ache overwhelmed him. "I never wanted to hurt you with... my human nature."

"But it's not too late, right?" Magnus asked, stubborn hope shining in his wet eyes, "We can... We can find a way. I'm not letting you leave, I won't let you die, I..."

This time around, Alec was the one to shush Magnus by the press of his lips against his mouth. He couldn't hear any more, couldn't even tell the love of his life that no, it wasn't too late, because what if it was? He couldn't bear to raise Magnus' hopes only to have them destroyed if there was nothing they could do. He realised now that it would break him - them.

So, Alec refused to talk about it any longer. Instead, he kissed Magnus, hard, intent on helping him to focus on something else. They made love that night, slowly, each and every caress burning on their skin; they never once averted their eyes from each other's face, engraving the other's features in their memory, as if this was their last time.

  


  


Magnus couldn't find anything. There was no spell, no potion, nothing to turn Alec immortal or to at least keep him alive longer than he should be. He had looked though, buried his head in mountains of books, decayed manuscripts from alchemists in the fifteenth century, holey papyri from Egypt, modern scientific researches... Nothing.

De-aging potions existed but the process was awfully long and the result was not what he was looking for, so he didn't even lose his energy nor wasted his time trying to brew them. The fountain of youth had been lost since basically forever and even the Seelies had no useful information to give him. The philosopher's stone was nothing but a myth.

Eventually, Alec stopped him. Magnus had asked Max for help after two years of fruitless attempts but Alec could see that even their joined efforts led to nothing, and he wouldn't let his own son blame himself for failing at finding a remedy for his mortality. Max had quietly left the room when his papa had collapsed in Alec's arms and started to cry, saying that he would do better, that he couldn't and wouldn't give up, that he would eventually find something useful for his husband.

"I think we should focus on each other," Alec whispered in his ear as he held Magnus against his chest. "Enjoy the time we have together instead of wasting it."

"No," Magnus protested weakly, voice muffled into Alec's shirt. "I'll find something, I'll find a spell! Or... Or I could become mortal! I could relinquish my magic and..."

"Stop it," Alec commanded, rubbing circles on his lover's back, ignoring his own tears. "You can't do that. Your magic is a part of you, giving up on it would kill you. And if it doesn't, one day you might blame me for making you change so deeply. So... Please, stop it. Let me love you with my mortal heart for as long as I can."

Exhausted, desperate and hurting, Magnus eventually nodded. Eyelids fluttering close, he prayed for a miracle.

  


  


Alec neared fifty-five when it happened. He was on a mission with Jace and Izzy to destroy a bunch of demons who had taken several terrified mundanes with the Sight as hostages. Alec probably shouldn't have been there, on the battlefield, for he was starting to feel the weariness of age in his bones and he was not as quick as he used to be. He wasn't _that_ old yet, but years and years of fighting and injuries and the overall rough treatment his body had been put through had taken their toll on him. This was probably one of his last missions out in the field.

In spite of the years, Alec had not lost his instinct nor his good aim and he let his arrows fly, killing demon after demon, covering Jace and Izzy from his spot, on top of a staircase. He was doing pretty well, until one of the mundanes, a young girl, ran away from the demons who were too distracted and busy to focus on all of the hostages at the same time. However, one of the demons noticed her as she slipped away and immediately gave chase, he was faster and wicked and the girl would never make it and...

Alec didn't think. The girl was eight, nine at most, her parents must be terrified of what would happen to her if the police didn't find their missing daughter and by the Angel, he knew what it felt like, as a parent, to fear for his children. He knew, if Max or Rafael had been in this kind of situation, that he would have been forever grateful that someone tried to help his sons. So, he didn't think.

He jumped down from the top of the staircase, running at full speed towards the little girl, one last arrow nocked, but he didn't have the time to aim and release it: the demon was even faster than Alec had planned and suddenly, the Hell's spawn was standing in front of him, smirking as it punched the Shadowhunter in the stomach and burst through his body. Alec doubled over in pain, breathless and barely able to hear Isabelle's distressed cry, shaky hands trying to cover the hole under his ribs.

Blinking slowly, movements sluggish, Alec tried to take a step forward, to the demon, but he collapsed before he could do that. The room was spinning around him. He could see blurry silhouettes, one blond and one brunette fighting side by side, and he smiled, knowing that his siblings would be all right. He... He couldn't feel his body anymore. He was aware of what was happening but he couldn't worry about it. He'd had the time to accept his death and it was too late to fight it anyway, but... Regrets overwhelmed him. He would have wanted to tell Magnus that he loved him, one more time, one last time; he would have wanted to hug Max and Rafael before going, even though they both pretended that they were too old for their dad's hugs. They remained Alec's little boys though. He would have wanted to have a chance to say goodbye, the time for one last kiss, and...

Alec blacked out.

  


  


He wasn't awake. He wasn't asleep either. All was white around him, blinding light coming from all sides; no matter where he looked, there was nothing but that brightness.

"Alexander Lightwood," a booming voice said, somewhere behind his shoulder.

The Shadowhunter startled and wheeled around, only now noticing the absence of pain in his limbs, his whole chest, and even the constant, rheumatic ache in his tense shoulders had disappeared. He was painless. He was dead.

"You are not dead," the voice said again, now sounding a bit amused.

The sound was coming from someone that Alec could not quite see, as the person's face was bathed in light, even brighter than the rest of the room or wherever he had been taken to, but then he caught sight of the golden feathers that seemed to reflect sunbeams on either side of the silhouette.

Suddenly awed, Alec knelt down and bent his head in deference.

"So you know what I am," the angel said with a smile. "My name is Ithuriel."

Alec remembered that name. All those years ago, Cleary had freed him from Valentine, freed him from the Earth, and Ithuriel had been grateful enough to help her and Jace in turn.

"That is true," the angel told him, reading his mind as easily as an open book, "And today we are grateful to you, Alexander Lightwood, for the young girl you saved is a descendant of Raziel. You did not hesitate, you did not think twice, and for that we thank you. Raziel would like to offer you a gift."

"A gift?" Alec repeated, a bit surprised and a lot curious. "What could the angels be willing to offer me? I am not worthy of such a gift."

"Let us be the judges of that," Ithuriel chuckled lightly. "Rise, Alexander Lightwood."

The Shadowhunter obeyed and took an involuntary step backwards when the angel came toward him, although he didn't look threatening; Ithuriel then raised his hand and touched Alec's forehead with his fingertips, the touch warm and light.

"The angels gift you with what your heart desires the most," Ithuriel whispered, "This is a gift freely given, one that no one shall ever take back. Fare thee well, Alexander, for we shall not see each other again before a long, very long time."

Alec didn't understand the meaning of this, didn't understand the nature of this gift Ithuriel had talked about, but he didn't have time to voice his incomprehension and bewilderment. He blinked and suddenly the angel was gone, as if it had been but a dream, yet Alec could still feel the warmth emanating from Ithuriel's fingers on his forehead. He wanted answers, he needed them, and he would have asked the bright light if he'd had to but then, everything turned black once more.

  


  


He was awake. Alive. He felt incredibly light, more than he had been in years. He felt younger. He was all of the above and most importantly, he was standing in front of his door, behind which Magnus was waiting for him. Alec's breathing itched when he caught sight of his distorted reflection in the shine of the black front door and suddenly, Ithuriel's words made sense.

Alec stormed inside the loft, not even flinching when the door accidentally slammed shut behind him, and he called out:

"Magnus?"

His brows furrowed in worry when he heard a squeak coming from the kitchen, followed by the sound of glass breaking. One second later though, Magnus came barrelling into him, wrapping his arms around his neck to kiss him like a thirsty man who saw a lake in the desert. Alec revelled in Magnus' warmth, unable to believe what was happening to him, unable to fully grasp the fact that he didn't have to tell Magnus goodbye, ever. His joy was short-lived though, for he suddenly noticed that his husband was crying.

"Magnus...?" Alec called out on a very soft voice. "What's wrong, love?"

"J... Jace," Magnus hiccupped into the taller man's chest. "He... He called and said... He said you were badly hurt, that you were _dying_ , that you'd disappeared, that maybe the demons had taken you to Edom... Am I... Am I dreaming?"

"No, Magnus," Alec immediately answered, feeling his heart break at his husband's pain. "I'm here. Look at me."

He did. Magnus looked up, golden irises locking with hazel ones, and the warlock's eyes widened in shock. Raising a trembling hand, Magnus ran his fingers through Alec's dark hair where not a speck of white could be seen; his fingers followed the curve of his eyebrows, travelling down to his eyes where the wrinkles had disappeared, and he kissed his lover on the mouth, around which he had grown used to see a few lines of age that were now gone. Alec's hands, tightly held in his own, were as steady and smooth as they were twenty years ago.

"How?" Magnus eventually choked.

"A gift from the angels," Alec briefly explained, "for doing something reckless."

Magnus chuckled wetly, muttered something that sounded like _as usual_ and tried to blink away the tears that had gathered in his beautiful eyes, to no avail. Crying without shame, he then brought Alec in his warm embrace and kissed him again, lips desperate to make sure that this was real, that he was not dreaming nor hallucinating.

"I had planned on drinking the whole night," he confessed after they broke away to breathe. "I wanted to pass out, I couldn't bear to think about it, I... I thought you were... I thought that..."

"I'm not leaving you," Alec whispered in his ear, holding Magnus closer to him, "Ever."

Magnus nodded against his shoulder and gripped the back of his shirt with renewed strength, as if he was only now realising that he could hold onto Alec for real, because he was not going anywhere. Magnus would not have to bear the pain of letting him go. Finally smiling, the warlock kissed his husband's cheek and whispered:

"Welcome home, Alexander."

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story, feel free to leave a comment to share your thoughts with me :) Until next time!


End file.
